My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My penis needs a shock collar
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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