dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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