I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
