Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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