omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
