how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
