At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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