it was like having sex with a tree stump
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
