Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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