she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
