I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
