he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
