If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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