so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
