I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
