I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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