so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
