boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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