you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
