Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
