Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
