he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
