I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
