dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
