A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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