I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
