he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
