Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
