erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
