we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
