she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
