He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
