It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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