just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize