So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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