11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Pappa wants mamma naked
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
