I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
