i think my tv is drunk
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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