i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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