went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
