You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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