Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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