So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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