i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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