I can tuck mytits in my pants
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
