I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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