I need to stop coming to work sober
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
