it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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