Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
