my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
