this just has baby written all over it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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