Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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