I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
