I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
