not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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