I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
