Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
