remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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