i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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