So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
