so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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