The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This is the high leading the old right now
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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