nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
