did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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