he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
