hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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