Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
