I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
either way he was missing a nipple.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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