I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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