Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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