You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
