Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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