No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
