Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
