I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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