Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
