Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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